...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
