I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
