not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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