im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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