I think scott just propositioned me for sex
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
