I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
