so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
