There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
