every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
