I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
