Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
