Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
