and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
