today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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