Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
