So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
