i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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