I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
