So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
