It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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