im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
