I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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