I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
