Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
