got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
