I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
