You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
