yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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