Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
