Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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