I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
