I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
