i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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