No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
