I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
