I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
