I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
God, I missed his penis.
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