question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
