i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Acid is not a monday night drug
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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