...so i touched it.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
