Kiss
Puke
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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