my room smells like sperm. sweet.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
