Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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