First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
nutella sex= disaster
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
