The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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