Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
