Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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