I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
