seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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