You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
