I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
