Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
